I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
