Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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