i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i need some magic done to my vagina
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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