party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
