i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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