Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
