I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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