I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
