i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
