Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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