help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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