We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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