I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
