Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
