i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
