I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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