The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
