I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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