It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
