Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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