The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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