apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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