Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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