I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
