lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You left your phone here
Wait...
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