good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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