if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
