Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
