i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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