Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
