I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
