Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
