The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We named our party play list daddy issues
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
this will be a night to untag.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
