Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
