We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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