i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
