Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
