Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
sex in a hospital.. check
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
