That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
As shirtless as possible
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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