Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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