don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
