I will die if light touches me.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
