Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
