I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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