cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
