i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
