all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
