i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
