in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
