Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
